The Art of Silence
by The Jolly Leprechaun
Summary: Sanzo and co decide (Hakkai's idea) to write New Year's Resolutions for each other. What possible chaos could ensue? This should be interesting...
1. Happy New Year!

"Happy New Year!" The Sanzo-ikkou clinked four glasses together at a circular table in a small smoky bar as the clock chimed 12. A cloud of cigarette smoke enveloped their group, a direct result of Sanzo and Gojyo's chimeny-esque smoking for the past 5 hours. Hakkai smiled serenely before he downed his Sake in a few sips, his brain formulating a new plan that would bring an interesting twist to the New Year.

…

"So, any of you guys got a New Year's resolution?" asked the waitress as she brought over yet more alcohol to their table and 2 replacement ashtrays. Sanzo sniffed unappreciatively, he hated being asked stupid questions. Fortunately, the waitress had left before Gojyo had time to lift his head up from the table, which had fallen there a few minutes ago, so he hadn't had a chance to have his usual stab at flirting with the waitress.

"What she say?" Gojyo slurred

"You weren't listening? _Gee_, Gojyo, that's a great way to get a girl's attention, but you sure suck at that anyway, you dumb kappa."

"Stupid monke…." His head had fallen and hit the table with a loud bang that resounded over the general chatter of the pub.

"Oh dear," Hakkai said with a pained expression, "We'd better all get some sleep now."

**At breakfast….**

"G'morning Sanzo!" Goku had bounded into the dining room of the hotel, all smiles. Due to him being younger than the rest of them, Sanzo had forbidden him to drink much alcohol, so he was in a chipper mood. However, different things could be said about the rest of the group.

Sanzo was sitting at the table, newspaper in hand with a splitting headache, Hakkai was over at the buffet table, smiling as usual, but this time to hide a hangover and Gojyo was still asleep.

"Shut it, Monkey."

"Aaaaw, Sanzo. Don't be so mean ya know." Goku grinned, but Sanzo stared back at him with such murderous anger in his eyes that Goku backed off to the buffet table in order to avoid the fan and to pile a plate with lots of food.

30 minutes later, the hotel staff were frantically cooking food for the rest of the guests as Goku had managed to eat his way through the entire buffet table. At a similar time, Gojyo stumbled in with his hair sticking up on end.

"Morning." Hakkai smiled at Gojyo over a cup of tea, Sanzo grunted and turned a page of his paper and Goku continued eating. And breakfast continued in this fashion.

After a while, Hakkai decided to voice his proposition.

"Well everyone," he explained "I was thinking about what the waitress said yesterday and I thought that it would be a good idea for us all to have New Year's resolutions." The group still hadn't moved from their individual activities "However, I thought it would be more fun if we wrote them for each other."

Silence descended over the Sanzo-ikkou. Sanzo stared at Hakkai as if he was mad, Goku actually stopped eating and Gojyo lifted his head up from the table…

"That's a great idea Hakkai!" Goku grinned madly, thinking about how he could demand Sanzo to stop hitting him with the fan.

"Interesting…" Gojyo thought about how he could force Sanzo to stop hitting him with the fan.

"…" Sanzo thought about how he could hit them all even more with the fan when they broke the resolutions.

"So it's settled then?" Hakkai asked and three nods confirmed the agreement from all parties. "Ok, first we have to choose who writes resolutions for who."

He tore up a napkin into 4 equal pieces, writing each of their names on each piece, folding them over and putting them into an empty bowl on their table.

"But before we pick, we all have to agree about the resolutions. You can only write a resolution for the person you pick out of the bowl and it has to be one thing, not a whole list of things they have to stop doing and you can't make anyone your slave. Agreed?" Three slow nods agreed to this once they had taken it in.

"Now, if you get yourself, you have to put it back, ok?" Hakkai looked round the group, who looked slightly insane at the idea of being able to control an aspect of their comrade's lives. "Goku?"

"Woohoo! I get to pick first." Goku dipped his had into the bowl and fished a piece of napkin out.

"Who'd you get, monkey?"

"I'm not a monkey! And I haven't looked yet." Goku slowly opened his piece of napkin and looked at the name.

A manic grin spread across his face. 

"No-one, Gojyo, no-one at all."

"Oh great, the monkey picked me."

"Shame, Gojyo. It's the luck of the draw."

"Shut it, droopy eyes."

"Now, now guys. Sanzo, you pick next." Hakkai intervened and tried to maintain calm long enough for them to still remember what they were doing. They're like a bunch of kids, he told himself.

Sanzo slowly reached into the bowl, his face looking blank and sulky, as usual, but inside he was rather excited.

He folded the piece of paper and put it back

"Hey! That's not fair, Sanzo gets to choose!" Goku shouted in indignation

"Shut up, I picked myself." He put his hand back in the bowl after it had been shaken vigorously to mix the pieces of napkin up and picked out a name.

Heh heh, Sanzo was plotting his revenge.

"My turn," Hakkai smiled and put his hand into the bowl after shaking it up

"Why do I have to go last?" Gojyo indignantly

"You were last down to breakfast, kappa." Sanzo shook his head at Gojyo's stupidity. Gojyo then went into a very decided sulk until he took the last piece of napkin out of the bowl and read it.

"So, now we all have the names, we should go back to our rooms and meet down here at lunch to deliver the 'good news'." Hakkai said, getting up from his chair with ease. "But first, write your resolution on a piece of paper, put it in a named envelope and then put it through the person's door. Read your one and then go down to lunch. Remember- No peeking! It's supposed to be a secret who wrote which resolution."

Sanzo's thoughts that would have normally told him this was unnecessary time wasting were silenced by the sudden power he held in his hands. So, without a fuss, they all retired to their separate rooms, each thinking hard.

Hakkai… 

Hakkai's room was a pleasant one on the second floor, overlooking a nearby forest. The walls were painted a mellow green with a darker green ivy pattern sprawling across the borders. The various lampshades and accompanying accessories were in matching colours and patterns too.

His room was quite quaint and Hakkai liked it very much. There was no rubbish strewn over the floor and there were definitely no overspilling ashtrays like at Gojyo's house, this was serene and he liked it. It wasn't too hard to come up with a New Year's resolution whilst sitting in a squashy green armchair, stroking Jeep on the neck. In fact, he mused; they should do this resolution lark more often.

Goku… 

Goku's room was a lot smaller than Hakkai's and was a lot nearer the kitchen, due to his constant need for food. The room was cosy enough, but something didn't seem quite right to Goku, the walls were a little too orange and the chairs were a little too comfortable. The elegantly looping borders were lost on Goku, as was the central piece of artwork. A modern piece in orange, red and yellow. Goku reckoned it was supposed to be a boat, but then again it could have been a tree. In fact, it was a person, but he didn't know that.

In a bid to get out of his creepy room and into the kitchen faster, Goku had already decided what the resolution was going to be before even setting foot in his room. Soon after writing it, he ran off towards the kitchens to beg for a mid morning snack after posting the envelope.

Sanzo… 

Sanzo, who had suggested that they got individual rooms in opposite ends of the hotel in the first place, was feeling quite lonely in his room, but would never had admitted it. The room was white and grey. Dull, boring and completely uninspiring. Even the view from the windows was boring, a brick wall. The room was perhaps the largest individual room in the hotel, but it was definitely not the most homely. The sheets were stiff, the chairs straight backed and the carpet scratchy. No good for Sanzo.

He was spending a long time on thinking of the resolution, trying to make it very worthwhile and very evil. He pondered this whilst sitting on the door matt with his back against the door, smoking a cigarette. He hoped this wasn't going to be his last, as Sanzo knew that he could be told to do anything. He sighed, as he put the stub out and lit a new cigarette, now…what was a suitable punishment?

Gojyo… 

Gojyo's room was perhaps the worst. He knew it was Sanzo's fault, as he had picked the rooms. It was a pink room for starters, which Gojyo didn't find amusing. What he found less amusing was the teddy bears placed strategically around the room. Their shiny black eyes seemed to follow him around the room wherever he went and freaked him out. The room was small, pink, frilly and meant for 6-year-old girls with a fetish for stuffed animals. Gojyo wished he had Sanzo for the resolution, so he could really make him suffer, but it wasn't to be.

Gojyo was the member of the group who had the hardest time deciding on the resolution. He thought about it long and hard, whilst nursing his pounding head. He still had a hangover, which was wrecking his brain very very quickly. He had trouble thinking straight which probably didn't help the situation. After a long debate with himself, he had written down the resolution down and put it in an envelope, as suggested and was walking towards a room with it in his pocket.


	2. The resolutions

Hakkai… 

Whilst he was waiting for the note to arrive, Hakkai had been thinking about what he could be made to give up, or take up. He thought about it and realised that probably the worst thing they could do was make him give up Jeep, or stop cooking and cleaning. But then again, if they took the latter away, then everyone would live in squalor and go hungry, so there wasn't too much to worry about.

"Hn?" Hakkai looked up as an envelope slid under his door; he extricated himself from his armchair and picked it up. His name was written on the front in block capitals, in an attempt to disguise the handwriting, so it wasn't Goku then…

He went back and sat in the chair, carefully slitting open the envelope as he sat down. Jeep kyuued and looked at the note with some interest. Hakkai read what it said:

'SHARE YOUR PROBLEMS WITH THE REST OF US' 

And was quite surprised.

Goku… 

On the way back from the kitchens, after begging for half a dozen meat buns, a thought suddenly struck Goku. What if they took away his food? He hadn't thought about that. He could die! Then Goku realised that if they did take away his food, Hakkai, at least, would slip him something to eat as NYR weren't supposed to be life threatening. With that reassurance in his head, he continued walking down the corridor.

Goku was back in his room, staring at the picture on the wall when the envelope was pushed under the door. He didn't notice it at first, as he was busy deciding that the painting looked more like a banana, but when he did see it, he yelped and ran to pick it up.

"I hope Hakkai wrote it, he'll be kind on me. Not like that kappa, or Sanzo." Goku said out loud whilst ripping open the envelope. He turned the paper over to read the message:

'_You must learn the art of silence.'_

And was confused.

Sanzo… 

The only conscious one of the group who didn't think about what his resolution was going to be was Sanzo. He already had an feeling that it was going to involve any one of these: stopping smoking, swearing, drinking, threatening the others with his gun or hitting people with the fan. It was so damn obvious.

Sanzo, after delivering his envelope, was sitting with his back to the door again; hoping to decipher who sent him the note by listening to their footsteps. He tensed up ever time someone walked past; listening to their shoes making varied sounds on the carpet and seeing if they sounded familiar. However, when the envelope fell onto Sanzo's head, after being pushed through the top of the door, he was surprised that he hadn't actually heard any footsteps approaching.

He resisted the temptation to look in the corridor, but listened very carefully for retreating footsteps and was very puzzled. He, by this time, had opened the note and read its contents:

'_You must stop using violence as a punishment'_

And was not surprised.

**Gojyo…**

Gojyo's hangover prevented him from actually receiving the note on time and from thinking about its contents beforehand. He was taking a 'quick nap' to sleep off the headache and woke up way past Lunchtime with an envelope on his doormat and the feeling that everyone else would be mad at him. He dragged himself up off the bed, rubbing his eyes and groaning. He stumbled over to the door and picked up the letter and decided to read it on the way down to the dining room, to save time.

He lit a cigarette on the way down, at least grateful that the hotel permitted smoking and opened the note whilst walking as quickly as he could down towards lunch. He took one glance at the note and let out an infuriated howl

"YOU DAMN MONKEY!" and dropped the note (and his cigarette) on the floor, where anyone could read that it said:

'_Ha ha kappa, you HAVE to give up smoking.'_

…

At the lunch table, the rest of the Sanzo-ikkou were waiting calmly for Gojyo. Well, calmly on the outside. They were all thinking about what their notes said and were debating inside their heads the best way to get out of them. Now anyone who knows about New Years Resolutions, should know that the point of them is to keep the resolution for as long as you can, not to try and figure out how to get out of them. So, Sanzo, Hakkai and Goku had already latched onto most people's tactic when it came to NYR.

Gojyo burst into the dining room and headed straight over to Goku, threatening him with a whole range of tortures and curses.

"So nice of you to join us," Sanzo said through gritted teeth. Normally, he would have whacked Gojyo round the head, punched him, or taken a shot at him with his Smith and Wesson, but now, apparently, he couldn't do that. So he took to imagining what it could be like and smiled…_inside_.

"Yeah, whatever Sanzo. Do you mind if I kill your monkey?"

"Not at all, since I can't do it myself, you may as well do the honours."

"Now, now." Hakkai said, "Weren't we supposed to be here to discuss what our NYR are?"

Gojyo grunted a yes and flopped down into a chair, "Wait a minute, you said you couldn't kill the monkey. Does that mean…?"

"Yes. I'm not to use violence as a punishment." Sanzo showed them all the note. Gojyo burst out laughing and Goku would have whooped with glee, if he were allowed to talk. Hakkai calmly looked at the note and smiled (usual response then).

"I'm to share my problems with everyone else." Hakkai said tentatively after Gojyo had stopped laughing at Sanzo and relishing the fact that Sanzo couldn't hit him for it. Goku, Sanzo and Gojyo looked at him. Hakkai had a great many problems and maybe, just maybe if he shared them then it would all be better…or not.

"So, Gojyo. What do you have to do?" Hakkai asked pleasantly

Before Gojyo could answer, Sanzo opened his mouth; "It doesn't take an idiot to guess. He's missing his cigarette and he's mad at the monkey. Put two and two together."

"Oh, Gojyo, that's wonderful!" Hakkai exclaimed, sounding just like a delighted mother, "You really should have given up ages ago."

"…Shut up." he grumbled and then turned to Goku "Hey, ape, why aren't you saying anything?" During the earlier proceedings, Goku had been gesturing wildly and trying to join in the conversation without talking, but failed at it miserably.

Goku glared at Gojyo, as if to say 'don't call me an ape', but couldn't actually say it, so he just showed him the note.

Gojyo, for the second time in 5 minutes burst into loud raucous laughter. Hakkai leant over to Sanzo and whispered

"Does Goku realise that 'learning the art of silence' doesn't mean that he has to be silent all the time?"

"No." Sanzo replied shortly

"Don't you think we should tell him?"

"No."

Lunch then continued without the usual argument, as Goku couldn't talk, he couldn't argue with Gojyo when he stole his meat bun, which meant that Sanzo couldn't hit Gojyo for stealing the monkey's food. So, all in all, Hakkai was really the only one who benefited so far…


	3. Share your problems

'Share your problems with the rest of us'

The next day, the Sanzo-ikkou were driving in Jeep, down a dirt ridden track. Hakkai was smiling; Sanzo was staring into the distance; Goku was trying to convey that he was hungry without speaking and Gojyo was watching the smoke from Sanzo's cigarette with a loving gaze.

One uneventful (due to the fact that all the usual arguments had been averted due to the NYR) journey later they were camped in a forest clearing with a fire crackling merrily. The flames from the fire sent dancing shadows over their faces and all four of them felt oddly relaxed.

The moon was high in the sky, grinning down at them all, when Hakkai went to sit down next to Gojyo.

"Hiya." Hakkai turned to face Gojyo who was determinedly facing in the opposite direction. "Oh, Gojyo stop being so stupid. You know I had to take your cigarettes away, or you'd just break your resolution within a few minutes."

Gojyo swivelled round to face him; "Yeah, but you didn't have to wrestle them off me."

"Well you didn't have to act like such a baby and not give them up."

Gojyo pouted and was silent, holding his fingers to his mouth, trying -and failing- to imagine smoking a cigarette. Hakkai stared at the stars, which blinked in a friendly way. Sanzo and Goku were asleep, or at least pretending to be, Hakkai couldn't tell, but he decided to talk anyway.

"Gojyo…"

"Nn." He grunted back, still upset about the empty cigarette shaped space between his two fingers.

"You know my resolution?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, can I share a few problems with you?" Hakkai looked deathly serious

"Sure thing."

"Umm, well I don't know how to put this, but…" There was a rustling in the bushes and Gojyo jumped up, remembering a similar incident when a doll from Chin Yisou had met them in the woods.

"False alarm eh…" Gojyo muttered as a fox scampered out from the bush and ran straight back as soon as it saw the group. "So, what were you saying?"

He flopped back down onto the ground and turned to face Hakkai,

"Well…?"

"Ummm…" Hakkai sighed, then completely unexpectedly in a garbled, babbling voice: "You guys never appreciate me, my hair sticks up all funny, my dreams are too disturbing, I always get stereotyped a the 'mother', I hate rain, I miss Kanan, my cheeks hurt from smiling all the time." He took a deep breath, then continued "I can never find matching socks, the last 3 dishes that I've cooked have burned, my eye is so itchy, I totally regret all the killing I've done, all Jeep can say is 'kyuu' which gets really irritating, centipedes really bug me, excuse the pun, this journey is totally pointless…"

"Erm…ok?" Gojyo was totally stunned at the sudden outburst and didn't really know how to reply

"…I've been wearing the same clothes for what is it now, half a year, my toes are wonky, I can never get drunk no matter how much alcohol I consume, I keep thinking about…"

"Hakkai…" Gojyo shook his friend's shoulders roughly, Hakkai stopped in the middle of his ranting and hoped for some thrilling, intellectual pearls of wisdom that would solve all his problems… "Get a grip man." Or then again he might have got his hopes up a little bit too high.

2 hours later, Hakkai was curled up by the fire, worn out from all the complaining he had just done. Gojyo, after half an hour of listening to Hakkai, had woken up Sanzo, who dearly wished for his fan (which had been confiscated) as he had just been woken up at 3 am to listen to someone else's problems. He then grudgingly listened to Hakkai for 2 minutes. Sanzo had then decided that the monkey would do a better job, woke him up and delegated the task to Goku, who couldn't complain about it, as no words were to escape his lips.

Sanzo had then gone back to sleep, leaving Goku to sit with Hakkai, who was giving a long speech about how unfair it is that he has a short lifeline.

By the next morning, it was evident that Hakkai was in no state to drive Jeep. He was a snivelling wreck and burst into furious tirades at every single thing that went wrong. It all started at 7 am. Hakkai had woken the rest of the group up, with his usual smile. For a minute, they thought that Hakkai was back to his usual self. How wrong they were.

"Morning, all." Hakkai was busy bustling around the camp, making breakfast

"So Hakkai, you feeling better?" Gojyo asked, whilst trying to catch the secondary smoke from Sanzo's morning cigarette.

"I really don't know what…" Hakkai had stopped in his tracks, looking down at the breakfast plates "I'm so pathetic!" He wailed, head in his hands.

"What?" Sanzo had put out his cigarette, getting annoyed at Gojyo who was doing something that looked oddly like a ballet inspired dance in order to breathe in the smoke.

"…There's a leaf on the breakfast plates." It would have been quite funny for them if Hakkai wasn't being so temperamental.

"And?" Sanzo's temper was even shorter this morning, after his sleep was disturbed during the night

"It's all ruined. I can't do anything right. I should just stop being a burden and curl up and die." Hakkai sat on the ground at that point and punched himself in the face, evidently trying to knock himself out.

Goku ran over to Hakkai and held his fists back, shaking his head furiously, as if to say 'Stop being such an idiot Hakkai, and stop trying to knock yourself out'.

"Stop being so melodramatic. We're in a forest. Unless it's new to you, leaves grow on trees and there are trees in a forest." Sanzo's voice was layered with sarcasm.

"I know that, but I'm so useless. I can't do anything right." Hakkai whimpered.

After what seemed like hours of trying to reason with him (it was in fact only 20 minutes) the –half- sane members of the Sanzo-ikkou, and Jeep, decided to have a talk, or mime in the case of Goku, as to what they should do with Hakkai.

"Lock him up."

"Hey Sanzo, that's a bit harsh." Gojyo said, glancing over at Hakkai who was apologising to a tree because he bumped into it by accident. "…Maybe it _was_ best for him to keep his feelings all bottled up inside."

They were silent for a minute, thinking hard, but still listening to Hakkai's apology to the tree.

"What is it bakasaru?" Sanzo whipped round, as he felt a tug on his sleeve. Goku then tried to mime something, which to Sanzo looked like 'Please hit me', to Gojyo like 'Let's buy some cigarettes' and to Jeep 'We should get moving as we need to get Hakkai to a psychiatrist'. Funny how only a dragon can understand a silent monkey.

After a bit more debating, and a few rounds of rock paper scissors, it was decided that Sanzo should drive Jeep to the nearest town, Gojyo should navigate and Goku should sit in the back, making sure Hakkai didn't jump out. When I say 'decided', I of course mean that they gave Goku the least pleasant job, as he couldn't argue back. He, of course, was tallying up all these instances of injustice in his head, and was plotting revenge.

So, with everyone in place, Jeep set off down the bumpy track.

"Why aren't I driving?" Hakkai asked after a while.

"Ermm…You deserve a break." Gojyo lied quickly, as Jeep rocketed at an alarming rate down a bumpy road. The result? All of the Sanzo-ikkou were very sore by the time they reached the hotel, but that's later on.

"No it's not. It's because I'm rubbish at driving, just like I'm rubbish at everything else." Hakkai was fast turning into a manic-depressive. Sanzo sighed in complete frustration.

"YES! You suck at everything Hakkai, you do everything wrong and you are in fact so bad at everything that I feel like just dumping you off that cliff over there, but you don't even deserve to inflict yourself on that cliff, so sit still and shut up."

And after that little outburst, Hakkai was quiet…

Well, at least until they got to the next town over.


	4. The art of silence

'Learn the art of silence' 

When the Sanzo-ikkou reached the next town, a strange surprise met their eyes.

"A festival?" Sanzo looked up at the banners, flags and balloons and sighed. He then realised that the monkey couldn't talk, and therefore couldn't bother him and laughed to himself.

Gojyo, meanwhile, was dragging Hakkai out of the car and grumbling about his imminent task. He had the job of finding Hakkai a psychiatrist and dumping him there for as long as humanely possible. He grabbed onto Hakkai's arm and dragged him down the crowded street, ignoring the crowds and Hakkai's whining about how their banners were prettier than any he could ever make.

"So, monkey. This festival's going to be fun then?" Sanzo turned to grin evilly at Goku, who was gazing with extra wide eyes at the town. "Such a shame you can't…"

"Hello, travellers." Sanzo turned round to see a man standing with a basket of candy apples. "Welcome to our town. You've come on our festival day. We celebrate all that we have received this year." Sanzo rolled his eyes, waiting for a long speech about how they should be grateful for what they received blah blah blah.

But to his surprise, what the man said next was not boring after all, "So, please help yourself to the free food, gifts and other items that are at the stalls placed on the high street." Goku was half way down the street when the man said one more thing "Oh, but there's one proviso: You have to _say_ please."

Sanzo, who didn't usually smile, let alone laugh, was in hysterics for at least 5 minutes.

Once he had calmed down, and everyone had ventured within 10 metres of him, he and Goku decided to wander down the high street, with Jeep, back as a dragon, resting on Goku's shoulder, as his owner was probably locked in an insane asylum by now.

When they reached a stall serving meat buns, Sanzo turned to the person at the stall, "Mmm, those sure do look tasty, don't they chibisaru?" Goku nodded ferociously, "Well then, why don't you ask the man for one?"

Goku was suffering from inner torment and felt as if he was being ripped apart. On the one hand, he wanted those meat buns sooo bad, but then if he broke his resolution, then Sanzo would be mad, and he would break his resolution too, and hit Goku.

He didn't want to disappoint everyone by not keeping his resolution, and Gojyo would just say he had no brain if he didn't keep it. So, after a few minutes of internal struggle, Goku tried a new tactic.

"What you trying to say, lil' buddy?" the stall owner asked, as Goku attempted to spell out the word 'please' using his arms as letters of the alphabet. "Sorry, don't understand you."

He then used flags to spell it out, using the flag code thingy, still no reply, and then he tried Morse code, sign language and mouthing the word. However, the shopkeeper still didn't understand him.

Goku then got a stick and scratched into the ground the word 'PLEASE' in big capital letters. "Sorry, can't say that I can read." Said the shopkeeper, while Sanzo watched Goku's plight with a look of extreme smugness of his face.

"Hey guys," Gojyo jogged over to them, smudging Goku's message on the ground, which made Goku jump up and down in anger and the corners of Sanzo's mouth twitch.

"Where's Hakkai?" asked Sanzo, who was trying very hard not to drop his façade and laugh.

"Oh, I couldn't find a psychiatrist, so I dumped him in a day care centre."

Everyone was silent, except Jeep, who 'kyuued' with indignation and then flew off in search of Hakkai.

Gojyo looked round at their faces, "What? He likes kids and they won't listen to him, cos they're too busy being brats, so maybe he'll shut up about his problems."

"Fine." Sanzo resumed watching Goku's attempt to communicate to the stall owner that he wanted some meat buns.

"What's with the monkey?" Gojyo asked, pointing at Goku, who was writing 'please' in a variety of languages on a napkin.

"On their festival day, you have to say please if you want some free food. Goku has a problem with that."

"I see…" Gojyo walked up to the stall, "Hey Mr Festival Guy. Can I have 5 meat buns, _please?_"

"Sure." And the man on the stall handed over 5 meat buns to Gojyo who then proceeded to eat them, with added relish.

Goku then decided to try a new tactic. He walked over to Sanzo, who told him to go away and looked up at him with biiig puppy dog eyes and attempted to make Sanzo feel sorry for him and get him a meat bun. Geez, Goku must be stupider than we all thought.

"Get away from me." Sanzo was about to raise his fist to smack Goku, but then Gojyo reminded him.

"Now, now Sanzo. You're not supposed to hit people, remember?" Sanzo grumbled, but otherwise they escaped the situation quite easily.

By the end of the evening, two members of the Sanzo-ikkou were happy, one had his sanity reinstated and one was extremely annoyed.

Sanzo had a multitude of wonderful free things, which included Cigarettes to last him for at least 2 months (Marlboro of course), lots of beer, extra bullets for his gun and another fan, which was of course hidden, as he would get it confiscated if otherwise.

Gojyo's list of items did not vary immensely from Sanzo's, except his cigarettes were 'Hi-Lite', he got packs of cards instead of bullets and a fan and got a lot more alcohol. Oh, and of course the meat buns with which to torment Goku.

Hakkai returned from his stint in the day care centre back to almost normal, his eyes looked a little dazed and he had crepe paper in his hair, but apart form that, he was fine. Well, there was no more whining is what I mean by fine.

Goku, who was very annoyed and hungry, was only taken pity on by Jeep, who had returned with Hakkai. By the time they were settled into a hotel, he was nearly dead from starvation, so Sanzo decided to feed him, but nothing too fancy.

Anyway, who knows what tomorrow will bring?

(Well, we all know that Sanzo will suffer in some form, as it's his turn :D)


	5. Stop using violence

**The next day…** Yet another argument had erupted in the hotel room at around 9 am between Sanzo and Gojyo. 

"You stupid kappa! Give it back!"

"No way baldy, you're not allowed a fan. No violence remember?"

"The why the hell did you get free cigarettes when you're not supposed to smoke them?" Gojyo was then silent.

However, he continued running around the hotel room, waving Sanzo's new fan around, which he had found hidden under the monk's pillow. Goku was still asleep and Hakkai was making breakfast in the adjoining kitchen, so the little disagreement raged without interference.

"Well?" Sanzo stood there in a hotel dressing gown with sopping wet hair, having exited the shower to find Gojyo rummaging through his stuff. Gojyo, who was having a lot of fun, was not about to stop teasing Sanzo and changed tactic.

"So, Sanzo, why don't you like girls, eh? Is it cos you're gay?"

"Fu-…" At that point, Hakkai interrupted, feeling that the situation could easily worsen

"Breakfast is ready!" Both Gojyo and Sanzo flinched when Hakkai spoke. They were expecting some long 'woe is me' speech to pour out of his mouth, but there was nothing. Cautiously, they walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

Hakkai was obviously still not 'all there' because their breakfast was not very healthy. A full English breakfast fry up was on the menu and Sanzo started the meal off by demanding coffee and sitting in a sulky silence. Half way through their toast, Goku wandered in with sleepy eyes.

He immediately scowled as he saw that breakfast had started without him and added another occasion to the list of pay back time in his head.

After breakfast had been demolished, Goku was designated the task of washing the plates, as he could not voice a complaint, and the other 3 went into the living room.

"So, Hakkai, feeling better?" Gojyo asked Hakkai, after flopping down on the sofa and putting his feet on top of a towel, which Sanzo was about to pick up.

However, Hakkai did not get a chance to answer Gojyo's question…

"Get your damn feet off my towel kappa." A vein on Sanzo's head began to throb.

"_Your_ towel? I don't know what you mean…" said Gojyo, playing dumb

"You damn well know what I mean, now get your feet off it." The vein was growing larger by the second

"Now, now, Gojyo, why don't you take your feet off of there?" said Hakkai in a placating voice, trying to keep the peace. It looked as if he had succeeded until a smashing sound resonated from the kitchen.

"Oh dear, I'd better see what's going on. Now, you two, _don't fight_." Hakkai got up and walked into the kitchen. Cue all hell to break loose.

Sanzo, who was desperate to rip Gojyo limb from limb, temporarily forgot about his resolution, and picked up his gun, aiming it straight at Gojyo's head.

"Get your feet off of it now." He said menacingly, Gojyo merely smirked

"You're not allowed to shoot me, I'm not worried."

"Oh yeah?" Sanzo pulled the trigger and a bullet zoomed straight past Gojyo's head and impacted the wall with a loud thud.

At that point, Hakkai had walked back into the room with armfuls of broken china.

"Sanzo!" he shouted out, dumping the china on a bedside cabinet, "You broke your resolution!"

"No I didn't." Sanzo was adamant that he did nothing wrong, "There was just an annoying cockroach over there." He glared at Gojyo, who returned the evils.

"I don't care how much you don't like bugs, Sanzo." Said Hakkai, ignoring the double meaning to Sanzo's sentence, "You have to go to a quiet room for a few hours."

"What the hell? Do I look like a three-year old?"

"Well Sanzo, it's a good therapeutical technique, and you get to think about what you've done wrong and how you can correct your actions."

Hakkai then frog-marched a disgruntled Sanzo down the corridor, whilst Gojyo laughed loudly, and Goku smiled, dropping more dishes on the floor.

A few hours later… 

"Ok, that's about enough time for him, I think." Hakkai got up from the sofa and excused himself from the card game he had been about to win.

Gojyo, who was in a childish mood, decided to hide Sanzo's things and had just finished stuffing them behind the toilet when Hakkai and Sanzo re-entered the room.

Sanzo's eyes looked oddly glazed as he smoke in a monotone:

"I am sorry for my rudeness and I will be nicer in the future."

Gojyo looked suspiciously at Sanzo, who never usually apologised, and whispered to Goku "What's Hakkai put him on?" Goku shrugged and was very worried.

Sanzo looked odd and Hakkai was surveying him like a proud parent. Goku smelt a hypothetical rat.

"Hey, Sanzy." Gojyo was trying to wind him up, "How was your time in the quiet room?" To his surprise, Sanzo didn't react, but answered in a normal tone of voice, well one that didn't imply that he wanted to kill Gojyo.

"It was enlightening."

Gojyo frowned, shrugged and sat back down on the sofa, "Wanna finish the game, Hakkai?" Hakkai nodded and sat down too, whilst Sanzo stood and stared and Goku retreated to the kitchen.

5 games later and Gojyo was significantly poorer than he had been only that morning. Hakkai was smiling and counting his winnings and Sanzo was still staring.

"Hey, Hakkai…" Gojyo whispered to Hakkai, "What have you done to him?" He gestured to Sanzo who hadn't moved a muscle since he entered the room.

"I told you already, I put him in a quiet room for a few hours."

"No, I mean what have you put him on? He's not usually this…docile."

Hakkai turned round and looked at Sanzo

"Well, to tell you the truth, I'm worried too. He's never gone this long without threatening to kill you, or Goku, for that matter. Something's up."

"So, you have no idea what is the matter with him?"

"No, not in the slightest."

Gojyo sat in thoughtful silence.

"Where is this quiet room?" He asked Hakkai, who was about to go to the kitchen to check on Goku

"Oh, just down the hallway: Room 711."

"I'll go check it out." Gojyo got up and walked out of the door.

"Goku?" Hakkai walked into the kitchen, looking for him

"Heheheheh. Idiots…" thought Sanzo, who was not drugged up at all, but was in fact using his wonderful acting skills to trick them all. "I'm wasting my time being a priest," he thought to himself, "I should be in Hollywood." And with that, he walked out of the door and off to 'stardom'.

Still wearing a dressing gown.


	6. Quit smoking

"Goku?" Hakkai asked as he walked into the kitchen, stepping over broken plates and jugs. He looked around the room

"Oh dear…" he muttered and left the kitchen to go and find Gojyo, but found the living room empty. He had expected Gojyo to be back by now, after all, there was really nothing of interest in the 'quiet room'. It was just like their hotel room.

Hakkai frowned; something else was missing from the front room. He looked around; all the furniture was still there, Jeep was there, Gojyo was down the hallway, Goku was…well he was in the kitchen and….

"Oh, of course! Sanzo's missing!" Hakkai's frown deepened, "That's odd, he shouldn't have moved, he was in a kind of trance…oh well, he must have gone to the toilet or something." And then Hakkai sat down and waited.

…

Gojyo had walked into room 711 to quite a surprise. The room was littered with pieces of paper and doodlings. He picked up one of the pieces of paper, which amongst incomprehensible scribbles contained a childish drawing.

Three stick figures, with names written underneath (Monkey, Kappa and Hakkai, respectively) were all looking clueless and sported large question marks above their heads. Speech bubbles containing phrases such as 'I'm stupid' and 'I have a monkey brain' circled around their heads. Another stick figure, labelled 'Me', was drawn as far away from the others as possible and was standing with a suitcase by a sign that said 'To Hollywood'.

Gojyo snorted and read some of the other pieces of paper, which contained similar scribbles and gathered them up to show Hakkai.

…

Sanzo, in the meantime, was sitting in a bar two buildings down the street. He realised that he had left his credit card, his gun, his fan and most importantly his robes and sutra back at the hotel room. All he had was a dressing gown, which got him strange stares from a man sitting at a table in the corner.

"Quit staring at me, fag." Sanzo had hissed at the man, and swivelled his chair around, so that he couldn't see the man's stares. He moodily picked up a pen on the bar counter and began formulating a plan to get his stuff back.

…

"Gojyo, you've got to see this."

"Hakkai, you gotta see these."

Said Gojyo and Hakkai simultaneously as Gojyo walked back into their hotel room, carrying a pile of papers.

"You first." Gojyo said, dropping the paper on the coffee table.

"Look in the kitchen…"

"Ok?" Gojyo walked over to the kitchen and walked through the door "What the…?"

…

Sanzo had given up on his plan to get his stuff back by the time that the free drinks started piling up in front of him. It turned out that the man who had been staring at him since he had got to the bar, had decided to take it upon himself to send Sanzo over a variety of alcoholic beverages.

Sanzo, who was very irritated, was also very parched and dearly wanted to drink the icy cold beer, but then again didn't want to, as the man would think that it was an invitation for him to come over. So, Sanzo was in quite a predicament and could think of no immediate way to solve it.

…

Aside from the broken china, the actual kitchen looked quite normal, except for a circular area in the centre of the room. Goku was curled up, asleep, in the middle of this area, clutching a packet of pens. Everywhere around him, written in permanent marker, was everything that Goku hadn't said throughout the time that he had to be quiet. Endless repetitions of 'I'm hungry' and 'Ouch!' were there, along with insults, exclamations, whinings and a whole multitude of sentences.

Hakkai came to stand next to Gojyo, "Weird, eh?"

"You could say that again. I didn't know the monkey was suffering so bad."

"I had a feeling that he may not be too pleased with his resolution…" Smiled Hakkai, who walked over to Goku and dropped a blanket over his shoulders

"Well of course _you _would, Hakkai." Gojyo grinned and leant on a kitchen cabinet, "…so what we gonna do with him?"

Hakkai sighed, "Well, we really need Sanzo here to smooth it out, I'm guessing that he wrote Goku's resolution, as Goku wrote yours, I wrote Sanzo's…" Gojyo groaned in an exasperated way, then stopped at the look on Hakkai's face

"What?" Hakkai asked, walking over to Gojyo

"Oh, nothing. I just reckon you could have come up with something better. Y'know, really made him suffer." Hakkai ignored Gojyo and continued

"Well, as I was saying, I wrote Sanzo's, which would mean that Goku's was written by either you or Sanzo. Am I correct in saying that Sanzo wrote Goku's?"

Gojyo nodded

"So, we need him here. Goku will listen to Sanzo, and then maybe he will talk again and just let all his problems out."

"Nuh uh, we don't want another one going all loopy on us, thanks very much, let's leave chimpy as he is."

"Well, it was _your_ fault Gojyo, if I do remember correctly, that one of us went 'loopy' in the first place."

"Hakkai…" Gojyo whined, "I was only trying to make you stop bottling up your problems, and actually tell us stuff. I thought it would be better for all of us, less tension perhaps. But in hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had."

Hakkai smiled again, "You can say that again."

"Nah, too long a sentence." They both laughed and Hakkai brought up the fact that Sanzo wasn't there.

"Oh, that's no mystery. I know where he is, or at least I know where he's going." Gojyo said, walking through to the front room and picking up some sheets of paper and handing them to Hakkai, who had followed him into the front room from the kitchen.

"I see…" Hakkai said, surveying the pictures, "Sanzo's not that good an artist, is he? Even his stick people are all wrong, I mean Goku's taller than us and I don't seem to have any eyes, or a nose."

"Oh yeah…" Gojyo took the paper from Hakkai, "Hey! I don't have mouth."

"Guess it's wishful thinking on Sanzo's part."

"Shut up…"

"Ok, time to stop joking around, we've got to go and find Sanzo. I don't know how far he will have got in this time-"

"Not too far, I wouldn't think." Gojyo said, going to retrieve Sanzo's belongings, from where he had stuffed them earlier.

"Gojyo! You stuffed his clothes behind the toilet!" Said Hakkai incredulously, as Gojyo returned to the room, smoothing out Sanzo's robes.

"Yeah, well it was funny at the time."

Hakkai rolled his eyes at Gojyo's childishness, "Come on, we have to find him."

"What about the saru?" Gojyo asked, as they were about to leave the room

"Erm…well he can't go anywhere once the door's locked and we should be back before he wakes up anyway." Hakkai replied, Gojyo shrugged and they left the room.

However, the open window in one of the bedrooms, with a short drop to the ground, contradicted what Hakkai had just said and when Goku did wake up, a few minutes later, it was very helpful indeed.

…

"Gojyo…" said Hakkai as they were walking out of the hotel's doors and down the street, "I've been thinking…"

"Mmmm."

"Sanzo, Goku and I have all been, well let's face it, basically driven insane by our resolutions, and you don't even seem phased by yours. Please tell me why this is."

"Erm…well I'm a strong guy, I'm not gonna break down just cos I've had my cigarettes taken away." Hakkai totally wasn't buying it

"Uh huh…then why do you smell like cigarette smoke?"

"Sanzo smokes doesn't he? The smell must have got attached to me"

"Sanzo's not here at the moment."

"Erm…the smell's stuck in my clothes."

"Those are brand new, we bought them a few days ago."

"Well…er…" Gojyo was out of excuses and Hakkai knew he had won

"Well then?" Hakkai asked

"Oh all right, I admit it. I never gave it up."

"Hmm, we'll just have to find you a nice evil punishment then." Hakkai smiled an evil smile and walked off down the road, with a very worried Gojyo in tow.


	7. Singin' in the shower

As Gojyo and Hakkai walked down the street, in search of Sanzo, one certain young monkey was shadowing them closely. Goku had become suspicious. Ever since Hakkai had come back from the day care centre, he had been acting rather odd. Ok, so he was acting odd when he had lost his mind, but this was a different sort of odd. It was an 'I'm not acting like Hakkai usually does odd. So, Goku decided to shadow them to see if his suspicions were correct, or whether he was just going mad as well.

After a few minutes, Goku was almost 100 sure that he was right and decided to take action.

…

Sanzo, who by now had consumed way over the recommended limit of alcohol, was standing on the bar, and singing karaoke. His audience comprised of an old married couple and the man in the corner. His dreams of Hollywood were temporarily forgotten in between drunken slurs of 'I will survive'

…

"So, Hakkai, what…" Gojyo's line was cut off by a shout from behind

"Impostor!" Gojyo and Hakkai's heads snapped round as Goku stood there, wielding a sharp looking stick, a dangerous light glinting in his eyes

"Bakasaru! You're not supposed to get out of the room. Just you…" Gojyo's sentence was, yet again, cut off.

"Impostor!" Goku shouted, causing a scene amongst the passers by, "You're not Hakkai, and you know it!"

Hakkai stood there, looking confused "What do you…"

Goku wasn't really going to listen to what he had to say and sprinted forward, weapon in hand and swung the stick right into Hakkai's heart. Dust then fell to the ground, revealing a shikigami, which lay peacefully amongst the dust.

"How'd _you_ figure that out, monkey?" Gojyo asked, looking at the tile on the floor, obviously very confused

"How'd _you _not? He's your roommate, ya dumb kappa."

"Shut it, monkey brain."

"Well at least my brain worked out that it wasn't really Hakkai! You must be stupider than me."

Gojyo shut up and picked up the tile

"Deception, huh?" He said, looking at it.

"Hey…you know where the real Hakkai is?" and pocketed the tile.

"Probably back at th' day care centre."

"Let's go there then."

"Aren't we s'posed to be findin' Sanzo?"

"Ahhh, that lousy monk can wait."

They were silent for a minute, and Gojyo was about to set off in the direction of the day care centre.

"Hang on a sec…" Goku said, turning his head to the right, as if to hear better

"What now? If you smell food it can wait."

"No, I think I can hear Sanzo!"

"You sure?" Gojyo asked, not wanting to be tricked into taking to Goku to a restaurant, which could potentially take 5 hours.

"Uh huh. He always sounds like this when he sings in th' shower."

"He's singing?" a malicious grin spread across Gojyo's face, "Now this I gotta hear. Lead the way, monkey."

"Don't call me monkey!"

"Whatever you say, ape-boy."

"…idiot cockroach"

…

Sanzo was rudely interrupted by two people he had no intention of seeing any time soon, whilst he was half way through the track list on the karaoke machine, and was starting to add dance moves to his favourite parts of the songs.

One loudly shouted his name and ran over, the other stood sniggering in the corner, perhaps recording him, Sanzo couldn't tell, everything was started to blur a bit.

Once Sanzo had been dragged down from the bar, away from the mike, reacquainted with his belongings, given a drink and sat down on a stool, the other two began bombarding him with questions.

"Sanzo, when did you-"

"Sanzo! Why did you try to-"

"-Start singing? Since when? Tell me-"

"-Go to Hollywood? Is it cos I'm annoying Sanzo? Is it?"

"-When. I can't believe _Genjo Sanzo _likes singing."

"I think you're really cute."

"What?" Sanzo looked up and through blurry eyes saw a woman standing there. She must have said that last thing, Sanzo thought, because the other two wouldn't have.

Sanzo then embarked on a conversation with the woman, who for some reason, was green

"Who's Sanzo talkin' too?" Goku asked, as Sanzo began to ask the space next to him why it was standing there

"Hmmm…" Gojyo picked up the glass that Sanzo had taken a sip from and sniffed. "Absinth."

"What's that?"

"Alcohol."

"I know _that_, ero-kappa."

"Well, it's a very strong drink and it makes you see the green fairy."

"The what?"

"Ask Sanzo when he wakes up." Said Gojyo as Sanzo keeled over and hit the floor with a resounding 'thump'.

…

"Sanzo! Sanzo!" Goku's loud voice was the first thing that Sanzo heard as he woke up, glad to be out of the bar, but not glad to be stuck with Goku, and Gojyo.

Hakkai was still yet to be rescued from the clutches of the day care centre and Sanzo was in a very bad mood as he woke up. Goku wasn't helping.

"Sanzo! Sanzo!" Goku repeated, "What's a green fairy."

"Shut up bakasaru!" Goku's head was subjected to the wrath of the almighty paper fan, and he yelled in surprise.

"Saaanzo! You aren't s'posed to hit me!"

"And you aren't supposed to talk."

"Saaaanzo…"

"Don't tell me." Sanzo muttered

"I'm hungry!"


	8. Found you

A/N: So sorry I haven't updates in what seems like ages- been very very busy, sorry.

…..

Goku, Sanzo and Gojyo are in their hotel room. Goku is currently bouncing off the walls, Gojyo is smoking and Sanzo isn't feeling too good. The excessive alcohol is taking its toll.

"So, where's th' place you dumped Hakkai?" Goku asked, jumping up and down, munching on an apple in between words. They had given him food in the hope of placating him, but to no great effect.

"Erm…" Said Gojyo, pausing to take a long drag on a cigarette, which he could now smoke in public, as they had, by now, given up on the stupid resolutions. "…on the other side of town."

"Well, goodbye then." Sanzo muttered, as he held an ice pack to his head and read the paper

"What!" Gojyo shouted incredulously, standing up, "Why do I have to go! You lazy monk…"

"On second thought…you bought home a shikigami last time." Sanzo paused to turn a page of the paper, "Goku go with him."

"But Saaaaaaanzo-" Goku started, widening his eyes

"No. Get going or Hakkai won't be home in time to cook me dinner." The conversation was then over, and grumbling; Gojyo and Goku left the room.

"Stupid priest…doesn't know what…._'Well goodbye then'_…I hate him…" Gojyo was muttering a multitude of profanities under his breath, as he walked down the street. Goku, on the other hand was bounding along in a very cheerful mood.

"Stop being so happy, chimpy." Gojyo said, as Goku ran around him in circles laughing loud enough to scare a few nearby pigeons away.

"But I _am_ happy Gojyo." He ran more circles around Gojyo, who was getting very irritated. Gojyo then, in order to distract himself, took out a cigarette. He kept forgetting that he didn't need to smoke them secretly now, as the resolutions were forgotten. Gojyo then remembered something so suddenly that he nearly walked into a lamppost.

This caused great hilarity, and Goku was laughing at him for the rest of the time that they walked to the day care centre. However, what Gojyo had remembered made him very happy.

He had just remembered that the only person he had told that he wasn't keeping up his resolution was the tile that was currently in his pocket.

He was going to milk it for all it was worth.

When they eventually reached the day care centre, a garish blue building with horrific paintings in the windows, Goku was spinning around in circles on the spot and Gojyo had smoked nearly a whole packet of cigarettes, to make up for lost time. He had to put the cigarette out before they walked in though, otherwise that bossy woman'd shout him at again.

"What'cha thinkin' about?" Goku asked, after he got rid of the dizziness he had been suffering

"None of your business." Gojyo said and walked purposefully up to the door.

They entered the reception, a grey haired woman sat at a desk, and Gojyo shuddered as he remembered their conversation before, when he had gone to pick Hakkai up:

"_What is this?" she had shrieked shrilly "Cigarettes near young children? You sir, are very irresponsible." _

"_Hey! I didn't do anything wrong. I don't even have a cigarette." Gojyo had said, looking around with shifty eyes, checking that Hakkai wasn't near and listening to their conversation, before hurriedly putting out the cigarette. _

"_Your attire isn't entirely appropriate either." She had commented, looking him up and down. Gojyo hadn't thought that it was too bad, yes his trousers were rather tight fitting and his T-shirt would offend those with innocent eyes and minds, but he really needed to get out of those other clothes. _

_"Don't see what you mean." He had said, crossing his arms defensively. When he had been there to drop Hakkai off, the woman had been much nicer, and much more attractive._

_"Humph," the old woman had grunted and eyed him disapprovingly as he had crossed the foyer to find Hakkai. And as Gojyo walked past, he could have sworn that she muttered something that definitely would not have been appropriate to say in front of young children._

'However,' thought Gojyo as he forced his mind back into the present, 'she might not remember me, or it might be her twin, who is hopefully much nicer.'

"Hello." He said, as he walked up to the desk, "I've come here to pi-"

He was cut off by the old woman

"Oh." She said in a disgusted tone, "It's you." Evidently she did remember him.

"Anyway…I've come here to pi-" but yet again he was interrupted

"Where's Hakkai?" Goku asked loudly, bounding up to the desk, "I miss him and the other two are mean to me."

"You mean there's another one like him?" asked the woman, pointing her thumb at Gojyo, who opened his mouth in indignation

"Naw, not really." Goku said, thinking about it, "But they're both mean."

"You poor boy…" said the woman, shaking her head sadly, "I know, maybe a cookie will make you feel better." Goku's face brightened and Gojyo sighed. These people didn't know what they were in for.

The woman then gave Goku directions to the kitchen and glared at Gojyo as he walked past.

"What's that old bat's problem?" Gojyo asked Goku, who wasn't really listening, so basically he was talking to himself. He pondered for a minute. "I reckon it's cos she fancies me. My obvious charm cannot be denied." He decided and followed Goku, who was very happy.

"Goku!" a familiar voice called just as Goku entered the kitchen. Gojyo smiled, as he knew that they had found Hakkai. He walked through the door and saw Goku happily tucking into a huge pile of treats and Hakkai surveying Goku like a proud mother.

"Hello Gojyo." Hakkai smiled, as Gojyo walked into the room, "What took you so long?"

"Long story…" Gojyo said, and then knelt down next to Goku

"Hey monkey," he said, prodding Goku to get his attention, "seeing as how you're the big expert on these matters. Is that really Hakkai?"

"Uh-huh." Said Goku through a mouthful of crumbs; "No-one else makes such great cookies."

"Great…" Said Gojyo, standing up and facing Hakkai. "I'll tell you the story on the way back to the hotel."

"All right: I've just got to clear everything up here, then we can leave."

"Clear everything up…" Gojyo muttered as Hakkai walked out of the room, "I don't like that phrase. What d'you think monkey?"

Goku shrugged, "I dunno."

When Hakkai returned to the room with buckets and mops in hand, Gojyo then knew why he was suspicious of the phrasing and imagined how mad Sanzo would be when they weren't back in time for dinner.


	9. Cookery

Sanzo was sitting in the hotel room with a blistering headache and a very bad temper. The idiot kappa and the monkey had been gone for almost 6 hours, so it was way past dinnertime and Sanzo didn't fancy his chances with the stove, which had burnt him the last time he had tried to turn it on. He lit up yet another cigarette and flipped through the paper for what seemed like the thousandth time in the hope of finding something to read.

"Damned losers…" He muttered to no one in particular.

Sanzo's stomach growled loudly and he decided to give in to it and attempt to cook something. He heaved himself out of the chair and over to the adjoining kitchen and opened the fridge precociously. Everything was neatly stacked and colour coded. Sanzo sighed and tried to sort through the packets and tins in the hope of finding something easy to make, but gave up and pulled out a packet of rice.

"How hard can it be?" He asked the smiling logo on the front of the packet as he turned it over to read the instructions.

Somehow, the kitchen had been cleared up since Goku had ruined it previously and Sanzo had no idea of the mess that had been there and would be blissfully unaware until maybe when Gojyo showed him the Polaroids.

Sanzo rooted round in the draws, looking for something to cook the rice in. the back of the packet said 'a medium sized pan', but the kitchen didn't seem to have one, so Sanzo picked up something else instead.

"This should do." He grunted, placing a glass bowl on the top of the stove.

After estimating the amount of water and rice needed (too much rice, too little water); Sanzo shoved it all in the bowl on top of the stove.

"Hmmm…" He looked at the packet "Bring water to the boil, remove from heat, then add rice and return to stove and simmer." Then at the bowl which was balanced precociously on top of the gas stove. "Eh…it'll work ok." He then turned on the stove to the highest temperature and sat back to watch his 'dinner' cook.

…

"Hakkaiiiiiiii." Complained Goku who was lying on the floor with an abundance of dirt and grime on him, which had been transferred from the floor to his clothes. "Can we stop now?"

"Yeah…please?" Gojyo, who was equally exhausted and covered in muck, agreed

"Oh I suppose so." Said Hakkai cheerfully, folding up the magazine that he had been reading, "Everything seems to be clean."

"Thank God." Gojyo muttered as he ripped the apron off of his neck, screwing it up into a ball, and throwing it into the bin as quick as possible.

"Hakkai, what time issit?" Asked Goku as he slowly got up off the floor

"Erm…" Hakkai hesitated as he looked at his watch, "My goodness! We should've been back hours ago, Sanzo will be mad won't he?"

"No kiddin'" Gojyo muttered, "C'mon, let's get back before the almighty priest really starts missing us..."

…

"Sanzo! We're baaaaaac-" Goku announced, but stopped abruptly as they ventured through the door much much later

There was a distinctly smoky aura in the air and a strong stench of burning filled their nostrils.

"Uh oh…" Hakkai said

"What is it? Is the hotel on fire?" Asked Gojyo who was still out in the hallway

"No, it's much worse I'm afraid."

"What?"

"I believe that Sanzo has attempted to cook something."

"Great…" Gojyo added a small laugh as they all walked towards the kitchen

"Is Sanzo ok?" Goku asked, worried for the priest

"Who don't you ask him?" Hakkai said with a smile

"Saaaaanzo! Are you all right?" Goku shouted whilst wafting smoke away from his face

They walked into the actual kitchen whilst Goku was speaking and were greeted by a glass bowl on the stove shattering into millions of pieces and a very angry looking Sanzo attempting to put the fire on his robes out.

Obviously, their reactions were all different:

Sanzo snarled,

Hakkai rushed to help clear up the shattered remnants of the bowl,

Gojyo sniggered and went to get his camera

And Goku leapt at Sanzo and started frantically hitting his robes in an attempt to put the fire out, which only earned him a whack on the head from the fan and a shout of

"BAKASARU!".

Several minutes later, relative calm was restored once Hakkai turned the stove off, swept up the glass and made Sanzo drop and roll on the floor until the fire had gone out. Well, when I say relative calm, I mean relative calm for them.

Sanzo, of course, resembled a burnt tomato once he got up, as he was sporting large blackened patches from the fire and his face went red with anger when he saw Gojyo taping the whole thing. A frantic chase to grab the camera and destroy it then took place and carried on for a good ten minutes until Gojyo tripped over the coffee table once Goku took over chasing him as Sanzo said that he was too holy to be chasing crass individuals like Gojyo.

"Nooo, don't destroy my camera!" Gojyo pleaded as Sanzo held it over the toilet bowl and Goku held him down, "It was a present."

"From who?" Sanzo asked, lowering the camera slowly closer to its watery doom

"A beautiful woman."

"If you call the old man who runs the camera shop a beautiful woman and the shop's ridiculously high prices a present then yes, your statement is true." Hakkai added, as he poked his head around the door with a smile.

"Hakkaiiiii! Don't let them destroy it. You know how many poker games I had to win to buy that camera."

"I remain neutral on this issue, but I came to tell you all that dinner is ready."

"Food!" Goku shouted and bounded off, the camera's funeral temporarily forgotten.

Sanzo placed it on the side and grunted that they would resume this after dinner. Gojyo grinned at Hakkai who smiled back; Hakkai always had a knack for distracting people.

Then, once seated at the table, surrounded by food, the Sanzo-ikkou finally had some time to reflect on what had happened over the past few days…or then again, maybe not.

"Gimme back that chicken leg!"

"No, it's mine!"

"Oh dear…"

"Shut up, or die!"

A resounding bang on the door then halted the argument and all heads turned in the direction of the offending noise…


End file.
